I should probably mention that I couldn't get that spiffy VGA to S-video/RCA-video adapter to work. This is either a fault with the adapter, the cable I used to connect it to the game port on my stereo, or both. I'll be working to remedy it between events this weekend and early next week. Meantime, no FF7 on the big screen yet.

I got all the way up to JENOVA-Life, and then died like a bitch. Aqualung is more powerful than I remember.

I had originally wanted to take it in thirds, and be around level 33 by the time I got to the Forgotten City, but circumstantial evidence has proven this plan to be complete crap. So to make up for it, I'm going to head back to the Temple and beat up on dragons until I get up around level 50 or so. Then we'll see just how awesome JENOVA-Life really is.

I think I'm going to take a few weeks to master all the materia I don't use and then sell it. There's money to be had in useless materia, but they pay by AP earned, and the price for a maxed-out materia is in the tens to hundreds of thousands of Gil if I remember correctly. The secret here is weapons and armor with double-growth slots to get the job done faster.

I managed to completely rebuild a woman's computer. It makes me sad to know that she'll probably not come and give us the $400 she owes us to get it back.

Sylvester tonight, Albany tomorrow. Be there if you can.

Life is tricky. Being a teacher is hard.

How does one control inertia? What happens when momentum falters? Do you abandon ship or try to steer an otherwise sinking vessel in a better direction?

Life is weird.

Daydreaming allows you to live multiple lives.

I could tell stories all day but people would think I'm weird.

I reminisce about the G-funk era and Christmas time filled with supermalls with their bright lights and polished floors taking the weight of hundreds and thousands of stilletto heels.

It is so strange to be where you've been dreaming about for so long. It is so weird to live in the moment. Am I really here? I've grown used to dreaming and fantasizing. Does reality match fabrications in my mind?

Things are much harder and more difficult but at the same time so incredibly more beautiful and lovely than I could ever imagine. Moments are worth cherishing. Be conscious for time is unrelenting in its passing.

I'm excited for the future.

...I'm pretty sure Evan Wondrasek deserves a medal.

So today I tried Burger King's XT Steakhouse burger.
Scintillating, yet unsatisfactory.

Full report when I have more time.

I'll be back Monday or Tuesday, then we drive to Virginia. No computer for two weeks? Will she make it?

Headbanger plays. Maybe she'll give her own summery. Do any of you play?

When I was age six, my aunt bought a piano for my older sister. She took one lesson and gave up. I begged and pleaded and said that I was most certainly NOT too young, and they let me take the remaining 11 lessons. The teacher only wanted students who could read, so I very quickly learned to read.

When I was twelve, I took a few more lessons, but that's all. I taught myself to play Beethoven after my teacher said that it would be too hard for me. People shouldn't say that, so I proved her wrong. I never managed to get through Rachmaninov, but I love to play the Piano Sonata No. 14 in C-sharp minor "Quasi una fantasia", Op. 27, No. 2 .

When I was thirteen, I joined the KCJS band. The orthodontist told my parents I couldn't play a wind instrument, so I took up percussion. Yep, a girl drummer. It was 1970. I had a lot to prove! In 1976, a guy asked me to play in his rock band. They stunk. In college, I finally realized my dream of playing flute by buying a fellow band student's old one. My fingers don't fly like Jean Pierre Rampal's, nor James Galway's did, but I can entertain myself on it.

In 1999, I saw an ad from a Highland group looking for people to play the bagpipes. Excitedly, I answered, so they started to teach me. After several months, my mom became very ill, so I had to quit. I still have the practice chanter I bought and a book, but it's a lifelong pursuit, and haven't picked it up since Mom died. I played Fur Elise at her funeral because it was her favorite.

Well, my Christian friends will love this part. I have had hearing problems since early childhood. In 1981, a young woman prayed for my ears and I was healed. After that, I started singing on key, and someone asked me to sing at her wedding. I love to sing. A few years later, I went back to college and sang in the choir. I sang on stage before hundreds of people. Sadly, when I turned 40, I discovered why Beverly Sills retired at that age. One's voice changes. Singing is still fun, but few like to hear it. I'm thankful for the 20 years I was able to sing with a clear, beautiful voice.

Part two will be music appreciation. My tastes surprise people, especially after what I listed here!

Total honesty would be like reading minds. There really are things that should NEVER be said. Lying, however, is never good. Very few understand just how evil the Father of Lies is, nor what evil really means. It means death. A lie is like a small death. Why would you want to serve death to a friend or lover?

It is possible to be lovingly honest in a relationship, and certainly necessary for a long term relationship. Using 'The Truth' as a weapon, is not loving. Neither is hiding the truth when something needs to be said. If someone stinks or has an obvious stain on his or her clothes, is it more embarrassing to let them know or to let them seem foolish?

If a person has a problem, such as alcoholism or he/she abuses someone else, is it 'polite' to keep quiet? Let's be honest! "You're a lush! Go get help!" (There are softer ways of saying it, but often blunt is better in cases of abuse.)

So, in conclusion, never lie. Lies are convenient, but they are never right. If you can't reveal the truth, then change the subject, or say, "Sorry, I can't tell you right now." My favorite word is interesting'.

"What do you think of this dress?"

The girl absolutely loves the hideous dress, so I smile and say, "It's very interesting." I'm not lying. To me, it is interesting how some people can have such widely disparate tastes. As a friend said, "Honesty does not mean cruelty." It can be cruel if you let it, but lying is worse.

Reality. Since we have no means of getting to this fictitious planet, nor the technology to terraform if necessary, therefore I can't go.

Boring details of my day-to-day life.

• 16:16 Virus removals take too long. #
• 16:53 Wade's new laptop is the all-begotten shit. #
• 10:53 @punkrockscience I'm pretty sure they don't care about anything except death threats these days. #

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Yes, I edited the code a bit. What? I can do that.

Dear Santa... Dear Santa, This year I've been quite busy! In August I accidentally broke citizenjess's X-Box (-12 points). Last Monday I didn't flush (-1 point). In May I punched stroppy_baggage in the arm (-10 points). In January I ate my brussels sprouts (1 point). In October I ruled Canada as a cruel and heartless dictator (-700 points). Overall, I've been naughty (-722 points). For Christmas I deserve a spanking! But not from you. Sincerely, tauren_wardrums

Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:

Outside my window: Parking lot - I’m at the dojo.

I am thinking: about politics.

I am thankful for: God’s Word in my life, and how it keeps my brain working.

In my office: are a heck of a lot of trophies... We need new shelves.

I am working on: gaining strength and stamina.

My pressing prayer concerns: Intermediate Class for Moon and Foundational Class for friends.

I am reading: Romans and political commentary.

Scripture I am meditating on right now: “Thou shalt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee.” Isaiah 26:3

Around the house: junk I’m trying to eliminate.

A few plans for the rest of the week: Park Day, more karate, dojo party, visit Dad, buy something special for Moon...

Have I mentioned that I have a temper? Yeah, I walked off of two jobs on two separate occasions.

In Alaska in 1986, unemployment had risen to 17% because oil and mining companies were closing. I had called every number listed for oil and mining in the yellow pages to find a job. Half were disconnected. Half of those laughed at me. The remaining quarter cried. Therefore, I took a job in a restaurant.

I'm not cut out for that type of work.

One night after a series of nasty customers and an unfortunate incident with a tobacco smoker refusing to leave the non-smoking area, the manager fired my best friend. At that point, I fired the manager by throwing my shoes and a few obscenities at him.

I did not regret leaving that job, but it did make references difficult until I came back Down South.

In 1993, I got pregnant. I am not built for pregnancy. Every nonlife-threatening, but excruciatingly uncomfortable symptom occurred. (My bp and sugars were fine, but everything hurt!) A law providing 12 weeks of leave had just been signed into law. My boss was the accountant, and he didn't want new costs incurred for the company. I tried to hide the pregnancy, but could not hide all the puking and extreme tiredness. He did everything he could to anger me into quitting. He send me on wide goose chases for non-existent documents in a rat-infested storage building. He demanded that I carry file boxes that weighed over 20#, which was against doctor's recommendations. I didn't have the right 'note' from my doctor. Every day he came up with some way to make it more difficult for me to work there. (This all may seem normal to some office workers, but I was used to working with nice scientists and pleasant engineers, not money-grubbing accountants.

Two days before I was to get two days of paid vacation, he pushed me far enough for me to lose my temper. He nastily accused me of stealing his template, a piece of plastic worth about a dollar. All that had passed in the previous weeks flooded my brain, and I quit on the spot.

I regret letting him get to me. I had planned to quit after I got the two days I'd saved, but by quitting two days early, I lost the vacation days. Other than that one small regret, quitting that job was one of the best things I did. My next job was 'mother'.

I've been experimenting with Twitter lately.

Follow me if you dare.

New Orleans...

Cold, floods, massive downpours

Melt-in-your-mouth pate topped with butter - almost too decadent. Wine that goes down smooth.

Mixers with open bars, talking to the unemployed about the pigs

Jealousy, insecurity.

Joy, happiness, security - self-renewal.

bell hooks, Fanon

Cheese and bad wine

Records. I love vinyl.

Gilmore girls

Today I learned that really old wizards don't get that way by being easy to kill.
I also learned what that spiffy VGA to RCA-video adapter I found last month is useful for.
Soon I'll be able to play Final Fantasy VII on my TV.

Leave me some love.

Is there anyone left for me to insult? My sister gets upset when I discuss this. She's an artist. I studied engineering. She knows more 'science' than I do.

‘Settled’ Science and Unsettled Children

Regarding the piano vandalism article of my previous post: The absurdity of it is surpassed only by the sheer jackassery of the people that did it. Whoever did this needs to be publicly caned a good fifty or sixty times and/or otherwise made an example of.

People keep saying "I'm computer illiterate" when they drop off their virus-ridden pieces of shit and ask me to make it work. It's really getting on my nerves. I know some of them mean well, but most of these sad fuckers have no idea how to use a computer, or even what the proper term is. Literacy deals with the written language. What these people lack is competency. They are fucking incompetent and I hope they have jobs that don't require the use of computers, because if you don't know basic preventative maintenance you really need to just go flip burgers for a living.

I just used a line I've been waiting months to use: "Sir, your hard drive has come aflame."

I'll leave you with that. Good night.

My parents spoke English, so I do too. I grew up hearing and speaking Spanish as well. Some people around me spoke German, so I picked up some useful words and phrases in childhood. In high school, I decided to learn Russian. Greek was part of the college program I chose, and I still use it. Right now, I'm surrounded by Japanese words. Also, I have a Norwegian friend who is willing to teach me Norwish. Finnish sounds interesting.

How can I choose just one?????

If I did have to choose, I suppose I'd stick with the two languages I know best: English and Spanish, even though I truly believe that Russian or Farsi would be more useful globally.

Hahahaha! Yeah, it would take up too much of his time! We don't have secrets.

Mostly, I don't travel during holidays. It helps to live in the holiday destination of other people. Travel is never stress free, but anyone can learn to handle the stress in a healthier manner.

This year, dh decided that we would be driving thousands of mile to visit his parents. They do not have reliable Internet, so I'll say goodbye for two weeks later this month. Agent Em will have a new DS game to keep her quiet. Moon has her mp3 player, and I have prepared lectures about the states through which we shall travel.

I hear more music and watch more movies. When I was a child, I had a transistor radio. It did not always get reception, and it needed a 9v battery, which was not always available. I used it sparingly. My dad, however, had a victrola which he played every Sunday. I listed to a lot of vinyl records on that. He had a large collection of jazz and folk music. I myself owned about five albums, and felt prosperous having those. They were The Beatles, The Monkees, and some unknown someone gave me. My sister had a stack of 45s. When I left home, I bought The Dark Side of the Moon, The Outlaws, and The Eagles Greatest Hits.

Now, I have this tiny little mp3 player that has all those songs on it and a whole lot more.

Movies used to be a special once a month treat for fifty cents. Now, I have a giant collection of DVDs that actually include some of those old movies. Almost never do I visit a movie theater.

Music is freedom and should be open to all ways of life. If equality is the goal, then let us all be free and equal. Why should any one group take over anything? What is there to take over? If a minority becomes a majority yet treats the latter like a minority, what is the difference? If those being dominated becomes the dominators, someone loses again. However, when both parties are equal, both parties win. Therefore, true freedom is burning up the will to dominate and stereotype to begin with. If benefits can maximized and shortcomings can be minimized for all given parties of the 21st century, then we can say without a doubt that mankind has become enlightened and evolved. With a higher stage of consciousness, true peace can be accomplished within the mature framework of empathy and loving others as you love yourself. This truth may sent us all free for generations.

All the lies. Even I as child I felt this. I remember feeling dread in 1967 as I looked at the decorations on a tree. I was only 9.

Let's start off with some absurdity: Pianos vandalized at Ithaca college

Now then. Amidst the many musical monstrosities I--yes, Neely, I hear you--mentioned two posts ago, some are coming to fruition and others are dry-rotting. The church band won't happen, because I decided to make myself useful on their tech team instead. Johnny's Christian metal band might not happen. The jam group with Tootie and Fish (aka Scott and Mike) is on hiatus until we can find time to jam again, but something is growing out of it. And lastly, Neural Implosion still needs another guitarist.

What else. There are two NI shows this weekend. Friday is the Worth County Ag Pavilion in Sylvester, and Saturday is a place called The Levee, in Albany. Not that anyone on my f-list is ever nearby, but I mention it on the off-chance that someone is, or in case a complete stranger reads my journal and just happens to live nearby. Creepy stalker-type or something, I dunno.

My cyberpunk self has been gleeing lately at the steampunk movement. Naturally, this means that I should examine things a bit more, in hopes of discovering some awesome and fantastical things that I will undoubtedly squee about like a methed-up cartoon character. Universe, I say to thee: Bring it on.

Got a virus removal and a motherboard swap on my plate. Guess I better quit slacking off.

The only place I can turn is to God. My husband helps me a lot, and usually he directs me there. My minister helps, too, if I bother to talk to him. It's hard to open up to people, so I write.

Almost every November, I get depressed. This year was bad, and I posted something about it on Facebook. On Facebook, I have very few Internet friends, and a lot of real life friends from past and present. Three people sent me messages of support and love. It really helped. Today is good, better than I normally feel in December!

Today, a special friend came to Fellowship with me. The teaching was on "God's Sufficiency in Light of the Hope". You know what? People who have problems with Christians don't realize that I have some of the same problems with them. Who wants to be sick? Who wants to be poor? Who wants to live in defeat? God never said we had to live with those things. God said that He wants us to prosper and to be in health.

3 John 2
Beloved, I wish above all things that thous mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.

God said he wanted us to win. He made us super conquerors.

Roman 8:36-39
As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

The phrase 'more than conquerors' is one word in the Greek - Hupernikeo. Huper means super and nikeo means one who conquers. I've had a lot of people dis me for believing what the Word says, and try to point out inaccuracies. They are the ones who are foolish, because when one studies from the Greek and Hebrew and get beyond tradition, then it all fits together perfectly. When something doesn't make sense, it has to be in the translations or in a person's understanding. God wants us to understand! I can't put it all here! I had a 36 hour class to START me on the journey, (actually, 4 college credit hours). Then, I moved into the rest of 36 college credit hours of classes, and several seminars beyond that. All this was active study of the Bible, not psychology, nor knowledge of the Church, nor anything not directly concerned with scripture. I've had some of that, too, but my point is that I know the Bible, and I believe what I read.

I guess it was time to toot my own horn.

Why would you want to change? Are you dissatisfied with yourself? As a learning adventure, maybe I'd trade places with someone, but I'm the only 'me' I have, and since I've invested this much time and effort into myself, it would be silly to try to be someone else.

Nowhere in this question does it indicate whether the loved one wanted to die. My loved ones want to live. Since I have already prayed for and RECEIVED healing for a number of ailments, from simple headaches to broken bones and incurable diseases, I would pray for the person and expect a full recovery.

Not everyone, however, believes like I do. It's not a magician's trick, it is God Who gives power.

3 John 2
"Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth."

Daniel Jackson. I love nerds, especially highly intelligent ones with a strong sense of what's right with the bravery to act on it.

None. There is no one movie that 'everyone' should see, because different things touch different people. I have a large video collection, because several movies made some impact on me. Some for similar reasons, but all spoke a certain theme at a certain point in my life.

I get a lot out of certain sports movies, like Victory. That's a film people would do well to watch. Watch it for the perseverence of the prisoners, what it took to get ready for the game, the honor of certain officers on both sides, what they sacrificed, and finally, that people would do well to remember what political 'saviors' can do. For those who don't remember, a certain European country in economic desperation had such a savior.

Never hand over your freedom for safety. Never.

Dropping a couple of televisions
on the cement,
I love to hear the crunch
of 21st century's soul cracking.
As I propel my bat into the debris
of shattered plastic and glass,
I cannot help but notice earth's sounds.
There are a few birds around
leftover from southern migration
clustering around power lines
barely seeing the chaos I'm brewing.
It may be hard to make out
the collapsing climax
above the rumble of heavy traffic
on the nearby interstate.
Those semis seem heavier
every year, roaring ever louder
by each gust blowing pass.

No one cares or notices,
because there's not much to do
people expect the desperate attempts
to relieve boredom, a mask
for sheer hate and anxiety
of Planet Earth and her task
of less than hundred years
of bearing senses and censorship.

They mistaken my white skin
for wool and weakness
when they failed to notice
my fangs and hazel eyes
filled with sex and malice.

I am no saint, but a sinner,
stained for loving her.
Her intoxicating vibe and voice
giving me a mental picture
of a vampire's undying thirst
as I would soak myself in crimson
because within her taste I find reason.

Trajan and Constantine,
why die when you could fly?
Then again only the hand
bears the glove,
nothing to love.

I was at the door
and you would not let me in.
I came to your court,
yet the eternal city cursed me.

In silence, in essence,
she will be mine,
for she calls to me,
thinking she could own my heart.
Does she not realize
that my core is a den of vipers?

Poison oozes through my veins,
yet I desire her flesh
as tiger cubs lick their lips.
I would be your long, lost brother
but you forgot me and think only of yourself.

That's why I love you,
you think just like me.

contained and condensed
in enchanted tales
and bedtime lies
like a prison of digitalized delusions
spinning around
as jumbo jets stream across
the open blue
and distant interstates
whisper their lively bloodflow
of rapid, interchanging
commuters with passive, latent intensity.

as a night hums to a close,
I remember her jaded kiss
as a stroke of a wilted rose.

the air was static
as I saw her disappear
to a far away land
by the coast of a jagged shore.

If I could only be
the wash of a wave
that tickled her skin
on the way in,
refreshing on the way out.

Sometimes two pass each other
with such energy and force
to spark a flare
and blow in different directions
as smoke under a cold drift of mist.

Some things are good.
I'm not going to be able to forget this, and I'm not going to jinx that and the other, but maybe I've learned something after all. It doesn't negate the pain, but it's something. Being positive about this is sort of absurd, but I'm doing it for sanity and right now it works.

Now here's to hoping.

Latest ponderings:

Physical fitness is very much an important element of praxis. In the framework of the colonizer constructing the colonized subject, I believe that there it is no coincidence that they feed the shittiest food to those who have the most reason to resist in such a way that would bring about the collapse of the system.

Rioting is ineffectual.

Occupations (ineffectual as well) are not the means and the ends incorporated into one tactic. Violent resistance is truly that mediation between the ends and means. With that being said, there must be organization - the goal is to go beyond being fixated in a constant and rehashed atmosphere of violence, but rather, to create a violent movement.

Resistance must also be coupled with simultaneous construction. Liberation is the process in which we construct a new human being.

Really she's about three years younger than me,
but she's managed to accomplish so much more.
This girl from New York who became famous overnight
I've read many articles about her persona
and seen interviews that show her charisma.
but I know now that she'll never know me
for I am a person of shadows and shards.
Yet, this woman is a mysterious figure
although she sings so clearly
and speaks what is on her mind
as honest and bold about herself.
Her eyes hide an enigma,
a ghost in her psyche that provokes possession.
As a song witch,
she casts a spell on the masses
with her hooks and lucious locks.
The voice of a fallen angel
comes through her as gentle as summer rays
and as strong as St. Helens clearing her throat.
She can seduce and please
her devoted monsters
with ease, such a tease.

As for me, I remain alone with my quiet words
pondering her production and persistence,
yet, I remain content with my exclusive existence.
When you have nothing to lose,
baby, you are free to choose.

Ambition and avarice are a waste of time to me,
because in all this life you could gain
we may give up our only soul.
So I take stock in treasure that cannot be broken or stolen.

Sickening,
death rules the streets
in the center, the hub of the machine
as it churns out a million empty lies
to bend and break minds of the masses
because the bankers are banking on our demise.

Beg to differ?
I used to think the same
in trusting these fuckers in charge
of our monetary pains, living large
pretending to be gods and goddesses
in a world where each man must pay a price.

Even if I ignored the evidence,
they build airports and monuments
boasting our pains and future fate.
We've given them the reins
so who can challenge the devil
when no one knows he's there?

Change is essential to life.
I believe evolution is spiritual event
as life perpetuates itself
and is beautifully administered
from cosmic conception.

Reason may bring balance
between persuasion and perception
yet faith is what glues society together.
As a system beyond instinct,
we require a certain trust
in our fellow man and his creature
and our divine interaction with nature.

With patience and persistence,
the procession of life will teach
not by example
but by existence.
One is given a body with limitations
but with each realization of freedom,
choice becomes evident and endless.
However, let us not stop at yes or no
and progress through the how and why.

Not willing to face reality,
we conjure up mysteries and myths
in order to demonstrate
the truth about ourselves
in this world's state.

Systems of rules and guidelines
have been placed and gathered by our ancestors
to give us life abundantly
without the pitfalls of legalism and lawlessness.
Each man or woman are free
to pursue their wants and ways
but in case they are in need,
there's a road map put together
by previous generations
from every culture and creed
to best survive and succeed.

Have I mentioned how ridiculously busy it's been at work this week?
My bench has been full every day since Monday.
And I still have one left to start on.

My hero is a real person. He couldn't keep his mouth shut either.

I just want to lay in bed, listen to my records, and drink hot chocolate with someone.

Finals week - woo hoo! Not.

To me, finals week makes clear what otherwise is rendered invisible - investment in the system involves conditioning that is very much in line with self-degradation without insight. Essentially, the individual, in this case, the students, become invested in their own down fall - placing the well being of the system and what the system wants above their own personal welfare.

I am guilty to the max. I spent more than 24 hours in the same room, doing what the system wants of me, despite sleep deprivation, hunger, thirst, physical discomfort, and mental discomfort. Essentially the training wheels of elementary school, middle school, and high school are long gone - I don't need parents or report cards punishing me, I can punish myself.

The point of this post is to extrapolate further. Despite being conscious of my condition, I didn't do anything about it. I did not stop my studying to invest in my own well being, rather, I continued working regardless of this new-found consciousness weighing down on my morale. The idea of investment in the future is largely bullshit - graduate with a good degree for a good job so we can work for good money for what? It's all a cycle to keep ourselves enslaved in the same machine - making this shit run while our bones are slowly being crushed into the ground.


Haha... on the bright side - I FUCKING MADE IT OUT OF PHYSIOLOGY LAB ALIVE!

We tried doing it on the computer, but they like books better.

So close to being done... yet so far.

Finals is pretty much voluntary confinement and torture - physically and psychologically. This is the worst kind of conditioning, because despite becoming conscious of one's condition, there lacks courage to break from the bonds. Agh.

On the bright side, I checked grade distributions for the lab class... no one fails?

Lots of people have failed the history class and the molecular biology class isn't too hot either. Shittttttt!

Ugh, too much study, too little sanity.

I am thankful to be studying and sharing this struggle with other people.

This may be my last finals ever! *crosses fingers*

Let's just pass these damn classes!

Sometimes I collect obscure local bands from the places I visit while on tour. Two of these I've deemed worthy of adding to my ever-expanding music library. They are Gigan and Morionor.

Gigan is now signed to Napalm Records, and they have a full-length studio album out called "The Order of the False Eye." Get it.

Morionor changed their name to Jenovah, and eventually disbanded. The name Jenovah was picked up by the guitarist (I think), and he still makes music under that moniker. They covered "Disciples of Babylon" by DragonForce, and until recently it was posted on their MySpace page. According to Matt, "...unfortunately it appears that the band got their panties in a twist cause our version was faster and better, and cried to Tom to remove it. Herman Li is a baby, not joking here."

---

So I've unofficially resurrected the Solaris Severed project that Lucas and I were working on way back in the day. I plan on writing lyrics and recording vocals for a lot of the stuff we put together back then, and possibly enlisting some aid from somewhere.

So I'm putting out the call: Whoever wants to play with sonic weirdness with me, leave me a comment and let me know.

I'm also in another band, and I play guitar in this band. This band does not have a name yet, but we're working on our first group of songs and eventually we'll come up with a name of some kind of some sort somewhere. Yeah. I think I'll be doing some vocals in this band-project-thing as well.

My friend Johnny is thinking about starting a Christian metal group. He wants me to play drums for him. I'm still thinking about it.

I might also try out for the band at Gina's church. We'll see.

---

Have I mentioned that I've been on a gothic metal kick lately? Well, call it what you will, but I seem to still have some gothic persuasion left over from my youth, which is expressing itself in certain elements within the music I play and listen to. And for me, being a musician, the music helps. Right now I have Lacuna Coil and Within Temptation on my playlist, which is nicely blended with and contrasted by industrial metal (Static-X) and a sampling of death metal (the aforementioned Gigan, hooray).

The weird thing is, I don't really play doom metal that much. Or even listen to it, for that matter. Sure it's nice and gloomy, and I'd like to sit down and have a go at it at some point, but it just always escapes me when I sit down to play.

Oh well.

The first morning is bright and raw and cold, and you won't believe me when I say my soul hurts.

The second morning is groggy and distant, and there's a cat next to my head. I had good dreams, but the knot in my stomach won't go away.



I'm going to be positive.

She dwells in the shadows,
between court and cowl
yet she is honored
by those with jewels and gems
amassed from time and patience.
However, with her blood she is
loved by nature,
feared by men.

From one soul to another,
fear her bedeviled kiss
which stains the heart
and spins the mind in cycles.

I find myself in the rain, again,
wondering if my world will grow.
I remember seeing her in my dreams,
but memories fade as ashes mix
with clouds and streams of air.

Find her roots within the mountain,
seek her love from the bosom of sands,
as I envisioned electromagnetic energy
passing through her
into many lights in my cone of pines.

It's a very short list this year.

I'm not picky, honest.